I'm finding it a bit easier to write every other day. As all days seem the same anymore.

Yesterday was a lot like the others. I did talk to a couple friends/co-workers. Really missing them all. Nothing thrilling or exciting happened. Just another day. Took dogs to dog park. They had fun. Somehow managed to miss my phone appointment with doctor. Had phone ringer volume up and phone in my hand. Twenty minutes after the expected call time I look at my phone and it says missed call. No clue. Rescheduled appointment for Friday morning. Started looking at beach cruisers. I'm gaining weight by the hour and decided to start biking again. No more mountain biking though. A nice comfy cruiser to travel our amazing bike trails here would definitely help slow the gain or possibly reverse it. I've slowed down on my binging. It got bad for awhile there. I am using food to comfort the same way I used cigarettes. Gotta stop.

Today. Frustrating day. Woke with a bad stomach and that stayed with me most the day. Tried to nap but yeah, that wasn't meant to happen. A straight kick to the gut today was the news Bernie was out. Of course making the statement that I didn't feel Biden could beat Trump didn't set well with folks. The thing is I don't care if you agree or disagree with me ... I'm not forcing my beliefs on anyone. So don't get pissy with me if you disagree with me. Understand we all look at things from different angles and come to different conclusions. I do know I am not alone in feeling as I do. Longer rant than I expected.

I'd give just about anything to have a sunny warm day. The damp dreary cold days are getting hard to take anymore. I'll be bitching soon enough about the heat I'm sure but for now ..... bring it on. Please.

Hope all is well out there. Stay safe.

Peace.

The mood seems to be sinking. Ellen noticed today and made an effort to raise it a bit. It didn't work. An invitation into the ghetto for Easter dinner really didn't help lift the spirits. But time alone in the house for a couple hours will probably do wonders. It's supposed to be a nice day and they will all be able to sit outside apart and enjoy family at least. Probably not the best idea but that's on them. I'm just eager for the time alone. 

It was another day of wondering what the hell to do. So I took care of some little stuff that could be done online. Went to the grocery store to pick up a few things that were needed and wrapped a scarf around my face for a make shift mask. Utilize what you have. Ordered sandwiches for Ellen and I and took advantage of free delivery. Tried to nap but that wasn't successful as the hubby called from England and William came home and wanted me to go to the dog park with him. Fresh air you say? I'm there. Finished my sandwich for dinner, smoked a bit, enjoying an edible as I write and the yawns are starting.

Tomorrow I have a phone appoitment with my doctor. They switched it from a visit to a phone call. Which again as stated in an earlier post is okay, but getting out for any reason is a plus and I now have a rash on my back which seems to have spread in the last few days. I'll let the doc know about it. They did switch my meds up but it seems like the rash would be all over and not just my back. But who knows. Thinking I may have some Benedryl. Thinking I need to go check. 

Stay safe out there.

Peace.

I've gotten faily good at just letting things go that get to me. Always remind myself in the big picture .... what does getting aggravated accomplish? But it's just not shaking off so well today. The product of being cooped up together for days on end.

I haven't made it a secret that I'm older. I was born in '57, Ellen in '69 and William in '71. I grew up with the music of the 60's, 70's, 80's, etc. I am a rock and roll girl all the way. I like most genres but rock is my fave. Artists & bands such as David Bowie, Tom Petty, Jethro Tull ... obviously the list is long. David Bowie is one of my heros along with Peter Gabriel originally of Genesis. I have many.

I was in a good mood this morning considering being woke up early. William declared it a baking day and has taken over the kitchen. Which is fine by me ..... peanut butter cookies, pineapple upside down cake, chocolate cake and chocolate chip cookies.Yum to all. Anyway, I decided to dust as I've not done much the last few days. The radio on a classic rock station blared China Girl by David Bowie. I'm being silly and dancing around while I dust and Ellen walks into the room and says "who considers this shit classic rock?". I turned round thinking she'd have her shit grin on her face joking around and knowing it would bother me. But instead she had a look of pure hate on her face. So I was like "um, I think most would put this in the classic rock catagory". Her response was "well, I hate David Bowie". Wow. Just .... wow. Glad she got that off her chest. Truly.

I finished dusting with less dancing around and came to my room where I plan on staying today. She's made me the target for some reason today. Feels better getting that off my chest. Much better. Now to let it go.

It's been raining non stop with thunder thrown in every now and then. 

Enjoy your Sunday. Stay safe out there.

Peace.

https://youtu.be/_YC3sTbAPcU

Wasn't in the mood to write yesterday, so I didn't. 

William is back to work full time now. Ellen working full time from home. At least when William was off I had someone to hang out with. Now it's just gonna be me and the dogs. And speaking of the dogs they got a hour in at the dog park before it started to rain today. It's been steady since mid morning. We need it but dreary days along with being stuck at home indoors just sucks. Some warm sunshine would be much appreciated.

The dogs also have a new playmate .... the puppy from next door named Bella. She is our Lockette's mini me. She's come over two days in a row now and they all play well together. She is a cutie. Apparently the female half of our next door neighbor duo does not like the dog. Or dogs in general. The boyfriend broght Bella home as a surprise and she hasn't taken it well. He doesn't want to give her up and I hope he doesn't have to. She's a love.

Each day seems to just melt into another anymore. My list of things to do is still sitting where I left it two plus weeks ago. I mean what the fuck, it's not like I don't have at least another three to four weeks before the possibility of going back to work. And even then who knows. I'm not lacking time to get things done. My doctors appoitment Tuesday has been changed to a phone appointment. I'm good with that but an excuse to leave the house would of been nice. 

More rain tomorrow. More of the same shit tomorrow. It's bad when the only thing I really look forward to every day is a nap. And I don't truly enjoy those. Hate the way I feel when I wake up but at least time goes by that I'm not staring at the same flipping four walls.

Alright, I don't want to bitch & rant .... not productive. So instead I'm gonna watch some more MSTK3, puff on the pen a bit and go off to dreamland. Honestly not productive either, don't care.

Stay safe.

Peace.

We here in California have now been told it's mandatory to wear a mask out and about. Make one from whatever you have at home. I don't mind it, just all seems so crazy. I've heard over and over it's pointless to wear anything but a certain kind of mask but now it's make one from whatever you have at home. I have been refusing to live in fear. Don't get me wrong, I take all necessary precautions. But with the two roommates I have I can't get away from the news. And I think with the constant bludgeoning of doom, gloom, death and destruction from the media the fear is starting to creep in. Oh well.

It is a ghost town around here. Drove to the dispensary today and the traffic was light. Very light. Gas has gone way down. Bonus. Dispensary was busy. People are starting to freak and stock up on their meds. Normally I'm in and out, but not today. The normally near empty parking lot was packed. But I got what I needed. I'm hoping they don't close.

Tomorrow is William and Ellen's anniversary. I wish I could go somewhere but that ain't happening. So I'll be the third wheel in their celebration. They were meant to be in Texas right now. But again, didn't happen. Was looking forward to that too. The house to myself and the dogs for four days. Heaven. Wasn't meant to be. 

Took the dogs to the dog park in the afternoon. The sun was shining bright and it was actually warm. I brought the sweatshirt but never put it on. Lots of people out with their dogs. It's nice to see the dogs so carefree. Not a care in the world except maybe who's gonna throw the ball. It was a perfect day there today.

Time for sleep. New charger for the pen so that helps. A couple edibles and it's sweet dreams. 

Stay safe. Wash your hands. Cover your mouth. 

Peace.

Thankfully it warmed up some today. Scrubbed another section of cabinets and tomorrow will finish them off. Yay. House is clean with the exception of the floors and with the rain that's gonna hit this weekend there is literally no point. 

William got called back to work a few times a week. That leaves me. Still unemployed.

I love the company I work for, for the most part. Having worked retail off and on for awhile now they by far have made me feel part of a family. I've made some amazing friends. I wasn't expecting that. Two weeks ago when we were told we'd be off till April 7th, I kinda felt it could go longer. We were all messaged later that week and were told we'd be paid till April 4th. Today I recieved a message they'd be paying us till the 11th and to check into the associate webpage for updates. I truly appreciate them paying us during this time BUT and here is where the haters are gonna hate ....

With the added on $600 a week in unemployment ... stop paying please. Just stop. It's horrible, I know, but that extra money right now would mean getting out of here as soon as this is over. Transferring to our store up north and getting out of here. I'll be starting over again. Not fun at my age. Alone in an area I know no one. But where I need to be just the same. I'll make new friends as I did here. And a place I can call my own for the first time in years. I was excited to file for unemployment on Friday. Now the excitement will be reeled back in, my patience tested and my need to go will grow stronger. Expectations. Don't have them.

Dog park kind of day. Much needed time outdoors.

Tired and lost in my head rambles so this concludes day fourteen. And I never even wrote what I intended to. I'm done.

Stay safe.

Peace.

I'm not sure another four weeks stuck here with these two is feasible. They fight a lot anyway. But being under each others feet 24/7? Then add a third party to the mix (me) and the stumbling over each other just gets worse.

These confrontations happen around me most times. They really don't care what is said in front of me or truly take much notice that I may be in the room. I tend to keep my mouth shut. I've got a roof over my head. That can't be jeopordized. There are occasions when they do their best to draw me into the middle of it and I'm like, no. Not happening. They're both hot heads. Both needing to be right at all times. I get up and go to my room when I can and turn up the music or the tv. Sometimes I'm trapped until one of them walk away and then the awkward quietness sets in with the other while I try to figure out what to say or how to make my exit. There has been twice when I felt William was way out of line and told Ellen so, just to have her turn around and tell him what I said. I learned my lesson the second time round after she agreed not to tell what I said and then did. With me sitting right there. I was done. Done.

All that being said there are times when Ellen has just been an out and out bitch. Holy shit. Yeah. The likes like I've never truly seen. I told William very early on after moving in here over a year ago that he deserved a lot of credit for putting up with her. She can treat him so badly. And she wonders where his insecurities come from. I've gently talked to her about some things I notice. She has taken my concern to heart. And I've really seen her try to recognize when she's going all flipping tasmanian devil on him and step it back. Not always. But sometimes.

Ellen also has a way of using examples to make points that are or can seem to be personal attacks. And with overall tensions running high with two of us tripping over each other all day doing our best to be quiet for the one still working at home, tonights fight happened quick. Using William's current unemployment situation she came off the wall with a random statement about what will happen if William has no job to return to when this is all over. Will he have to prove that he's looking for work to keep the unemployment going?? WTF?? All I kept thinking is that's a bridge to cross when he gets there, certainly. William on the other hand went ballistic. Zero to ballistic in .001 of a second. I froze. Fucking froze. Nice way to ruin a perfectly good buzz. I totally understood what Ellen was getting to because earlier she had said something about not having to look for work while this virus thing was going on. So I'm pretty sure she was saying when the virus was over if "anyone" doesn't have a job to go back to and still wants to draw unemployment they will have to prove they're looking for work. So using William as the example was not the best idea. He had not heard the previous conversation and took it as a personal attack. As many times as he asked why is he not going to have a job to go back to and she tried to explain that she really didn't mean him .... it got worse and worse. This is where I come in.

Why? Why did I open my mouth? Why did I not get up and walk away? I made the mistake of telling William I felt he was misunderstanding. That Ellen was using him as an example and not directly assaulting him. That comment literally went over like a lead balloon. The look on his face said it all and all I could think to say was .... I'm sorry. He looked at Ellen, then me, pushed away from the table and walked away. She yelled at him to come back. He didn't. She went and followed. I came to my room. 

It's been quiet for awhile now. Not sure if the battle is over or just on stop for a bit. I get to get up super early and go grocery shopping with William in the morning. I'm not looking forward to it. Have a feeling it's gonna be a quiet shopping excursion. Oh well. Only 4 more weeks to go.

Stay safe out there.

Peace.

I believe we have reached the point of slight annoyance with each other. Overall we're okay. But when the claws come out i'm the one getting scratched.

I'm not and never have been a clothes whore. I tend to shop thrift stores or clearance sales. I'll have the same wardrobe for years, maybe adding a piece here and there and tossing something from time to time. At the moment, mostly due to finances, I have one pair of comfy kick back around the house type pants. They get washed regularly but are worn most days around the house once my day is done and it's time to chill. After showering the other morning with no plans for the day but hanging out at home, I put on my comfy pants. Walked out back to take a toke with William and Ellen says "so you take a shower just to put on dirty pants. Gross." Then William chimes in how he saw a thing on CNN that said during this time of confinement you should still put on clean clothes every day. I kinda lost my shit. It's not like I've shit them or rolled around in the mud in them. I wear underwear when I'm wearing them and there was a time in my life where I promise you I wouldn't of been. They are folded every night when I change into my pajamas. I don't understand what the fuck the problem is. But when I was done speaking my peace they were both backstepping and saying that wasn't what they meant blah, blah, blah. Whatever. I've now spent money I probably shouldn't have on some new chill around the house pants so they don't have to see these as often as they do. Bless 'em.

I was hoping to move soon. A new store opened up north in my old stomping grounds and the manager there is someone I've worked with before. He said he would happily take me on up there. Just needed to save a bit more money for a deposit on a place and I was gonna bolt. But now with all that is going on looks like it may be a bit longer. Maybe I should just stop take a breath and see if that is actually what I want to do. I often accuse others of "shooting from the hip" and I am probably just as guilty. The pull to go is hard. Breath, J, breathe.

Think tomorrow will be laundry day. That is unless William declares it's something else. Alright. Once again I need to remember and be grateful for these two people. I am. I truly am. Bed is calling.

Stay safe out there.

Peace.