Divine's Post

Mental Health

6/26/2020 12:25 PM

I am taking today and Monday off work for mental health. The last 3 months have been hard on everyone, and on top of all that I've had some family-specific bullshit going on. And I just need some time "off", so a 4 day weekend will hopefully be helpful.

I slept a solid 10 hours last night. Felt good. But I had some weird dreams.

In one, a good friend died. And I was hoping to get her son. Which was weird because she has a wonderful family who would take excellent care of him if anything ever happened to her, including her baby daddy. I became lucid in the dream and started to analyze my thoughts... why do I want her kid? Do I want kids?? And what does this mean, that she's died? Am I foreseeing her death? Or am I dealing with some fears about losing her friendship? Or friendships in general? All of these thoughts, while still dreaming...

I think the last point is accurate. It's been hard to maintain friendships during this pandemic. I used to visit with friends 3-4x a month, weekdays and weekends for dinner or girls nights or movies or whatever. In the past 3 months, I've seen friends two times. We've tried to maintain connections digitally but with real-life friends, that transition often doesn't go so smooth. And I think part of me is becoming anxious that these really valuable amazing real-life freindships are weakening because I'm not getting to spend time with them. One friend is moving in with her girlfriend in 3 weeks and I would love nothing more than to be able to help her pack and move and stuff, and of course I'm invited to the house warming and she offered me the guest bed but... I just don't know yet if I can even accept the invitation. And she has asthma so I'm like how are you even having a house warming, who is going to be there, what's the plan??

I hate all this. I wish it'd go away.

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