I have spent a great deal of my time during social distancing/quaratine doing some self reflection. Mostly looking at my fascination with horror, and why my art and entertainment preferences tend to focus on death, scary things, etc. I have a theory that it is my subconscious reflecting anxiety about death and dying. I guess I am drawn to what scares me the most. I also think this is not rare. 

I was loaned Existential Psychotherapy by a friend when my brother was diagnosed with cerebrospinal cancer. I did not read the entire thing, but certain parts of it. Chiefly, the first part- one of humanity's "ultimate concerns": death. The author, Irvin Yalom, urges readers (as well as his patients), to try to come to terms with death. He argues that by doing so, anxieties, sadness, worry, and so on, will begin to lessen. That by coming to terms with death, we can find more enjoyment in life. He goes over several cases with his patients in his arguments. That segment from the book has really stuck with me over the years.

I also read a fascinating essay about why people are so drawn to horror movies (1). The writer states that horror is our safe lens into universal truths: we are destined for horrible things, and there isn't much we can do about it. This might seem like a defeatist point of view, but this falls in line with Yalom's argument. There is no escaping death. Horror is just an outlet we can use to explore it, deal with it from safety. One can watch a horror movie, or look at a piece of gruesome artwork, or read gothic literature, and then look away, still safe. 

Art is, at times, self expression. I really don't want to write about what truly makes art, or what "real" art is. For me, it is being able to put my thoughts, fears, and anxieties in some physical form. 

Alternatively, it could just be I watched a ton of horror movies growing up.

1. Here is the link to the essay. If you are a fan of anything horror, I highly recommend it!