So I've been listening to creepy podcasts lately on summer drives. Because I hate the summer, I hate the heat, and so on. Anyways... You know. I have some creepy stories. And when I say stories, I mean actual events. Could I record them, just to have them saved as a file, just to have them for history/memory? But then I think, does every sucker who thinks they have something to say NEED to make a podcast? Is that where we are now? I don't even know how to make a podcast, and I would probably make TWO and then never do it again.
I wonder if there are other avenues. Maybe just recording them would be enough, for me. Not to put it out to the world, but just to have it on audio. My dad and I had a shared creepy experience, we could talk about it together and record that. I have several friends who have experienced paranormal/ strange occurrences. I have a mic and a laptop. It's all THERE. It's just the question of 'is it worth it?'
I'm looking back on my other posts, I still make art. So there's that. But I also wrote about a blog and research project on home haunts. And that never went anywhere. I still have all the intro stuff and hard data from a survey, but it's been collecting dust for over a year now.
In the past two weeks I have had several dreams where the day of Halloween comes, and I am not prepared at all. No props out, no lighting, no sound, no costumes. Somehow the day snuck up on me, and I am scrambling to get everything ready before sunset. I'm not sure why these dreams are happening/returning.
I have two theories. First, that I am so bored during self-isolation that my brain is inventing more things to stress about. The second, more realistic theory, is that I have not started on any Halloween projects this year. With the "Final" year of the trail approaching, we have decided to do a simplistic theme. No need to build new props. No need to make intricate lighting and sound design for a lab scene. The theme is just gonna be cramming as many monsters, creatures, and villains into the trail as possible. Really go out with a bang. This of course, rests on the assumption we'll even be able to have a Halloween this year.
Maybe I'll work on some props and decorations for our Halloween party that we may or may not be able to have.
I have spent a great deal of my time during social distancing/quaratine doing some self reflection. Mostly looking at my fascination with horror, and why my art and entertainment preferences tend to focus on death, scary things, etc. I have a theory that it is my subconscious reflecting anxiety about death and dying. I guess I am drawn to what scares me the most. I also think this is not rare.
I was loaned Existential Psychotherapy by a friend when my brother was diagnosed with cerebrospinal cancer. I did not read the entire thing, but certain parts of it. Chiefly, the first part- one of humanity's "ultimate concerns": death. The author, Irvin Yalom, urges readers (as well as his patients), to try to come to terms with death. He argues that by doing so, anxieties, sadness, worry, and so on, will begin to lessen. That by coming to terms with death, we can find more enjoyment in life. He goes over several cases with his patients in his arguments. That segment from the book has really stuck with me over the years.
I also read a fascinating essay about why people are so drawn to horror movies (1). The writer states that horror is our safe lens into universal truths: we are destined for horrible things, and there isn't much we can do about it. This might seem like a defeatist point of view, but this falls in line with Yalom's argument. There is no escaping death. Horror is just an outlet we can use to explore it, deal with it from safety. One can watch a horror movie, or look at a piece of gruesome artwork, or read gothic literature, and then look away, still safe.
Art is, at times, self expression. I really don't want to write about what truly makes art, or what "real" art is. For me, it is being able to put my thoughts, fears, and anxieties in some physical form.
Alternatively, it could just be I watched a ton of horror movies growing up.
1. Here is the link to the essay. If you are a fan of anything horror, I highly recommend it!
My first post on Satyrn! I will try to blog about my projects, art, and other stuff here. I hope to keep a record of everything I am doing, and hopefully use this blog to stay on top of my work.
In 2020, I have tried to be more productive in making art. So far, so good. I originally started in acrylic painting (subjects being mostly weird horror art), but recently I have branched out to mixed media and assemblage/physical media. It’s been fun! I think my favorite part has been the collecting of physical items. I have been scouring the woods and natural areas for bones, minerals, stones, and other unique natural objects. I have only been doing ethical and legal collection, which basically amounts to finding these objects in public lands that do not forbid taking objects, as well as roadside right-of-ways. I also have been collecting random items for years, so it’s been great to finally put them to use! I also have good news - I secured some booth space at a craft/art pop up market at one of my favorite local metal venues. I hope the people that the venue attracts will be more inclined to buy my work. I don’t think most quiet little coffee shops would appreciate painted gore and real bones used in my art.
Last year (2019), I started working on a research project about home haunting (think amateur haunted houses or haunted trails, or any house that goes all out for Halloween). I have been running a haunted trail through my father’s driveway for over a decade, and wanted to get a historical account of home haunting. Academic writing on the subject is lacking. My drive to work on the project started off really strong in the fall and winter months of 2019, and now have lost momentum. I am still interested/invested in that project, I just need to find that drive again. A portion of that project included a survey I sent out to other home haunters. I am proud to admit that I have nearly 200 responses from that survey! I can’t wait to use that data for my future arguments.
I am also working on making a web version of a gerrymandering exhibit I worked on with some colleagues last year. I am basically working on this with the help of one other person. I have minimal background in website design and creation (I also ran into that problem when trying to start a blog for my Halloween/home haunt project).
I suppose it is possible that I have too many things going on at once, and I just feel stretched thin. I think maybe focusing on one thing at a time will be wise, for now. I will probably devote a blog post for each of these projects in the future.