Yesterday, I saw a picture of my ex - he's married to the girl he basically got with while the two of us were still together, and they're having a baby. Seeing that picture genuinely made me happy and relieved that I got out of that situation four years ago. 

I did have a brief, "wow, is he ready for that?" moment, just due to who he was as a person, but then I remembered- it's been fucking four years, and a lot happens. People go through shit in four years. People grow and change. I don't know if he has, but it would only make sense. 

It also made me think about how my life has literally not progressed in four years. I know some circumstances are beyond my control, but there's definitely shit I could have been doing, even despite the depression and situational circumstances. I feel like I finally realized or maybe even finally accepted the fact that part of the reason why my life hasn't .... moved? for four years is because I think for the past four years I have literally been procrastinating. "I'll do this tomorrow," "I'll do that tomorrow," "I'll be better tomorrow," "I'll BE tomorrow" but really all that has happened is that four years' worth of tomorrows and intentions have added up. ?

I do know this is not entirely true for all four years, but for most of it. I was making progress for a bit around the time I went to Canada two (?) years ago and that was such an uplifting, encouraging, and inspiring trip... but it seems to have all gone downhill from there lmfao

Anyway, yet again I sit here feeling as though I've wasted four years of my life but as they say... better late than never, yeah? Man I swear I have to restart my life every three-four years dude I don't know when I will finally get it all right ???