PhoenixRising's Post

11/19/2020

11/19/2020 10:06 PM

Do you know what I would give for this wildling of mine to fall asleep before 11pm? Probably a lot! Every single day I wake up with the intention of getting him into bed on time and being able to just sit here relax with a bottle of wine and blog.. Every damn night he proves me wrong... ( Lord I love the little shit though!)

2020 has been an interesting year family wise. My paternal grandparents have come back into my life. I am actually happy about this but at the same time a little frustrating because with them comes my father and brother who both thing that I am for some reason suppose to just forget all the bad shit and just welcome them back with open arms. At 41 years old, I don't think I can do that this go around. To be honest about it I havent spoken to my brother in over 8 years. The reason being that he is a sociopath of the highest degree. Who felt like it was ok to tell me that my baby was nothing more than a miscarriage and I had no right to even act like I deserved pitty... Why did it hurt coming from him more than any other human? Because when his 8 year old daughter passed away from cancer I WAS THERE! My mother and I took a bus there and stayed with him for 2 weeks.. Only to 1 year later tell me that my daughter which I labored with that I held in my hands who weighed nothing more than 10 ounces, who I held and watched try and try to breathe only to beg for the lord above to take her and give her peace. My daughter was born at 21 weeks.. She was not a miscarrige she was not a still birth, she was not born sleeping. She was indeed a living breathing soul here on this earth for a very short time. Furthermore, who cares if I had had a miscarriage. They to are babies. They to have heartbeats. Is that not what pro-lifers scream.. if there is a heartbeat there is a life. But still when a mother losing a child early people are cold and cruel and expect them to sit down and shut up.. That needs to stop! in all ways. Stop hurting parents truth be told our children dying hurt us more than anyone else can. So if you can not be kind be silent.
Anyhow, to make things worse I guess my grandmother seen my asshole brother this past weekend and told him he owed me an apology.. he dared ask what for and when she told him... He simply said, that isn't why she is mad, she is mad because she kept calling and asking me for money in which I didn't give.... Wow... I have never asked this man for a damn thing. Nothing ever in life. In fact I have barely been around him my whole fucking life and now not only have you basically told me my baby meant nothing, I have no right to feel pain but rather than just say you are right I do owe her an apology you turn around and come up with another lie...

I am shook...
and people still wonder why I will not let some of my family into my life.

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