Can you all believe that we are 1 1/2 months from being able to survive 2020? When this shit hit in April I was not prepared for all this non-sense. So much for that two weeks and we will be ok, huh? I have been blessed in the sense that those I am close to have been healthy however Eric has lost 3 people in his family. I can't stress enough how ready I am for this to be under control so that maybe we can worry less. 

On Monday I turn 41, I don't know how to feel about that. It would be easier to say I don't even sit and think about it but I do. I think about it more than I want to. I feel like somehow it isn't right like I need more time. I find myself realizing that I am closer to 50 than I am 20 and yet I feel like I just found my happy place in life. I spent the first 30 years struggling to survive, abuse and abandonment, and then more abuse and then you factor in my own mental health and surviving having to place 3 children for adoption and then burrying yet another. Now after 12 years later here Eric and I are finally in our own place. Raising a beautiful smart now 4 year old boy. We have 3 beautiful grandchildren and another one on the way. Suddenly I am ready for a slow down. I would settle for the promise of another 40 years and yet I find myself only feeling more anxiety about my health and the world around me. So much that I want to and should have done by now that I never had the chance to do. 
 
Did anyone in the 40 plus age range go through this? is it just me? 

Also side note I am 100% positive I had a lot more things I wanted to blog about tonight but I don't think its going to happen because I am sleepy as hell.. this to I do not know if I like. Who said I could be this damn tired? I do not approve.

P.S. In 2020 we might not have beat this covid shit but we took out the Demon who has been hell bent on destroying us the last 4 years.. so there is that! Now let us all pray they can get him out of our White House without him bombing us to hell before then. Yes, that is how much I fear that orange satanic monster. I fear he would end us before he conceds to this loss. 

- Dianne