3/26/2021
3/26/2021 12:24 AM
I need advice on adult parenting.. I feel like I am epically failing in this area as of late. Since Dec, of last year I have been watching my grand daughter for my daughter while she works. Over that time I have discussed with her that my grand daughter is becoming excessively aggressive. She slaps she throws herself down she climbs dressers and tv stands she bites herself hits herself and pulls her own hair. She is 15 months old. She has pushed her grand fathers tv off its stand into my wall when I tell her no she screams at me and hits the tv. On Monday she bit our son. And yes I know biting is normal for children. However she took a toy from our son who is 4 he politely took it back and said "No, I was playing with that. She for real walked over to him like she was going to hug him and bit down on his cheek and locked on to it to a point I had to pull her off of him. My son made no effort to hurt my grand daughter. He knows better. He made no effort to bite or strike her. He called for me to help. Here is the issue though, My daughter doesn't allow for her child to be popped she doesn't used an authority tone with her. The only option is time out. Which doesn't work the child throws herself down slams her head into the floor throws herself backwards bites herself and we can't do anything to stop her. 

My son knows he has consequences to his actions this child has none. So when her mother came in we tried to talk to her calmly we explained plain ole have a seat for a second isn't working my son has teeth marks and bruises on his cheek from her child and she basically shrugged at me. Well, I don't know what to tell you she says... So, I try to get her to put herself in my shoes. "What if my son had bit yours like that and left teeth marks and bruises?" She lost it! "He is four and a boy he should know to never touch a girl..." Well, he didn't so therefore he MUST know not to.. considering she just bit his damn face and left teeth marks and shit and never even thought to defend himself... So, her father said. Something needs to be done at home. Whatever you are doing isn't working. Then it was "I am a fucking adult..." Her father told her she wouldn't stand in his house and speak to me that way when it was her child who bite our son..and if she wanted to do that she needed to get out of his house." She took my grand daughter and left and I haven't heard from her since... 

I don't know what I am suppose to do, I don't know how long she is going to go on ignoring me throwing out bs facebook post as if we have some how insulted her when it was her child who injured another all we did was ask her what we could do about it and tell her that what they are doing now is not working which is obviously the truth by the bruises my son still carries on his cheek as of now Friday.. She bit him on Monday... Am I suppose to apologize? Am I suppose to be the bigger person again? Do I teach my son that he should never ever defend himself against a female even if she is latched on to his face. That because my grand daughter is a female I will protect her over him and excuse violent behaviors? I don't think I can do that. Sure I teach him to not hit, I teach him patience and kindness and love and gentleness. I teach him that my grand daughter is smaller and doesn't know all the things he knows and that he can hurt her. But even still how long am I expected to keep her and watch it happen and allow her to bite and hit and be nasty to him? 

I need advice. I love my grand daughter I have kept her once a week nearly every week of her life sometimes more here since Dec it has been 5-6 days a week. Now I feel like I don't know when I will see her again and I feel like I don't deserve this... 
2 Comments
Further
11:48 PM

I don't know anything about how she is disciplined or even if she is at home, but you're right that it's unacceptable for your son to be hurt like that. Poor thing. I would not focus on the fact that she's a girl, because I teach my kids they can defend themselves if someone hurts them, boy or girl or even adult. But focus on the fact that she's still a baby, and she hasn't been taught not to hurt people or taught consequences. 


15 months seems young for spanking, and young for time out too. My youngest son is 19 months and he is wild too. He climbs stuff, is into everything, sometimes will hit, and his new tantrum is to slam his head into stuff when he is frustrated. It's HARD! I don't spank my kids.. but honestly I never had to with my older boys. Other forms of discipline worked on them. This little one is much tougher to deal with though.. so we will see how it goes. My belief with spanking is it should be a last resort if all other discipline is not working. 


Right now, he gets told no, and if he does not listen I will physically move him away and try to redirect him. If he goes back to try it again, then he goes in his playpen for a time out. 

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PhoenixRising
3:49 PM
Thank you for this! I am so sorry it took so long for me to log in and see it. I have been dealing with lifes bullshit as one might say lol. 

My daughter and I have worked it out and even laugh about it now. You are correct my daughter just wasn't teaching her any consequences to such actions. I would normally never lay hands on a 15 month old the issue was time out she didnt get as you said and enraged her more. When I say spank with this one I mean more like a light pop of the hand to get her attention rather than her being the one hitting us because shes mad she didnt get to eat her uncles face off. She is now 18 months and doing much much better. However her mother informs me the terrible 2 tantrums are starting and here is something amusing I didn't even mention anything because well I learned not to step into her child raising but seems suddenly out of no where my daughter is perfectly fine with a pop. Such as she said she kept hitting her father and trying to hit him with controllers and stuff and her dad wouldnt even say anything "i told him pop her hand so she gets the point"

My son is closing in on 5 and still the most I can do is pop his butt once maybe twice.. tho.. some days.. I know why they tell us not to shaking the children cause lord we want to.. Instead i just make myself laugh and walk away.
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