With everything going on...I've been pretty absent from...everything?

Me and my best friend, Lori, have been FaceTiming almost every weekend for the past month and a half. That really helps me. We both have similar mood disorders and it's nice to vent or motivate each other.

One of the things I've started doing is writing what an "ideal" morning and evening routine would look like. While I haven't done all of my "ideal" things, it feels nice to know that I'm keeping up with some things. I like to have some time reading throughout the day, I've been working on a puzzle (I should post pics to show you guys. It's wild because the pieces are so small). I've been doing a movie marathon where I write down movies I've been wanting to watch and randomly pick one. It's been really great.

Also, I've started reading this book called The Dance of Anger, A woman's guide to changing the patterns of intimate relationships. I'm only about 20 pages in but MAN, DID SOME STUFF HIT HOME REALLY HARD. 

I haven't gone to therapy since this whole virus started. I don't feel that affected? But I'm afraid to do the phone call/video call because I don't feel like my house is a "safe"...."open"...place to discuss everything I'm dealing with. I feel guilty for feeling that way but...I don't know. I told my therapist it's something I need to think more about.

The past few years, I've realized that my body issues have grown because of the way I grew up. Or the way my mom unconsciously did. I learned to be ashamed of my body from a really young age. I learned my butt, my boobs, my thighs were bad. They were sinful. They were something to be hidden. About 5 years ago, I remember my mom getting upset at me because you could see my bra strap. I was like ???? showing my bra strap doesn't make me a slut. It doesn't make me a bad person. Who cares? 

Anyways, blahhhhh. This was just a mix of everything that's been going on in my head. I hope everyone is doing okay <3