Today has been a hell of a day. 

I woke up feeling extra shitty, so per the directions that the Department of Health has been spamming, I called the Coronavirus hotline for my state today. After waiting on hold for an hour and a half I was told that I definitely have the symptoms, and if I had travelled out of the country they would immediately test me based on my symptoms... but because I haven't travelled out of the country they cannot. Instead I was told to call 911. 

I called 911, who proceeded to panic and send an ambulance. 

The very nice EMT's said that the dispatcher definitely overreacted... but I do have all the symptoms so they were going to go ahead and take me to the ER and make sure I got tested and proper care. (They were super nice, especially after I explained that I was literally just following directions)

I was then transported to a negative airflow room. They did a fuckton of tests, including some chest x-rays. I was told that I have a "mysterious viral lung infection" (literally the doctor's words) and that I do not have a cold, the flu, or strep. He very carefully mentioned COVID, and explained that the tests for that have to happen in a different place, so I won't get the results until tomorrow at the earliest (it can take 24-48 hours). However, based on the x-ray and other test results they expect a full recovery from my “mysterious viral infection”. I was ordered to be under complete quarantine in my house, and to rest and hydrate.