I've been feeling better, so I've been cleaning a lot! I'm still really slow because I get fatigued so quickly, and also because I get so sore I can't move after cleaning. Generally, what I've found I can do is essentially clean carefully for 30ish minutes, then rest for an hour. I can do that four or five times in one day on my days off, or once when I've worked that day. Unfortunately the next day I am usually in too much pain to do anything other than exist. 

For the past two weeks I've been cleaning and re-arranging our bedroom. I asked Alex to leave it entirely to me unless I ask for help, because I need the mental validation that I can actually do things. The feeling that I'm crippled has been really upsetting me, so seeing the improvement in the room has really helped me mentally. So far I've assembled my new dresser, moved the old dresser out, re-arranged the furniture, decluttered like crazy, and just thoroughly cleaned every inch of that room. Both Alex and I have been either too stressed or too sick to do basically anything through all of 2020, so there was a LOT of trash and clutter. I also went through my clothes and pulled out what is wearable but not to my tastes for donation, and what is too damaged to donate. Between the clothing clean-out and the general cleaning/decluttering I have gathered literally 8 bags of trash. Which is insane for such a small bedroom!

Alex has been a little anxious about me doing all this by myself, he comes and checks up on me often. I can tell he wishes I would just let him help, but I'm glad he's resisting that urge so I can prove to myself that I'm not helpless. 

Tomorrow (If I'm able to move) I will change the sheets and do laundry, and it will be complete! If I'm in too much pain to do anything tomorrow, I can change the sheets after work the next day and do the laundry on Sunday. Laundry really hurts to do because there is so much leaning over, so I try to do it when I have the full day off and Alex is free to help. 

Weight-wise, I lost 8lbs! And then I gained 2 back! Noooo! 
Fortunately, my bestie and I agreed to have a weight-loss competition between the two of us. I think this will really help motivate us both!
I'm really lucky to have such amazing people in my life.

I got my first covid shot!

It was the Pfizer vaccine, and I did have a mildly bad reaction to it. However, keep in mind that I have an autoimmune disorder so it makes sense for my body to freak out over anything immune-system-related (which is why they even put me in the "watch closer for bad reactions" area). Within seconds of getting my shot I got a weird taste in my mouth (which is apparently super common, and not a cause for concerns), but then after a few minutes I started feeling dizzy. The place I went to get my shot probably gives thousands of shots a day (it's the main place for my city, which is the biggest city in the state), and the very nice doctor that had to sit with me for a full hour and a half said that they have several people every day with that reaction. My blood pressure did get super low, but it was back to normal before I left. 

IDK if y'all have seen that video of the nurse who got the Pfizer vaccine then started a press conference and then passed out, but it's the same thing. It's called a vasovagal response/vasovagal syncope, and happens sometimes when getting shots because your body basically goes "OH SHIT, WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS! PANIC! PANIC!" and then knocks you the fuck out. Some vaccines do that, and sometimes people get it from just getting a shot. It's NBD, it's something that existed long before COVID and the Pfizer vaccine, and goes away on its own. 

Beyond that, I still feel like shit. My entire body hurts. I have a fever, and I am exhausted. This makes sense because of the whole autoimmune thing, but is still lame. 

My mom got the Moderna vaccine, and had no reaction the first shot and felt really sick for a single day after the second shot (running a fever of 101, body ache, fatigue). Both my dad and my husband have had the first shot of Pfizer and neither has had a reaction other than a sore arm. 

Ugh, the health problems are unending. I now have a sinus infection, which is going untreated because the doctor was absolutely sure it was covid (I'm pretty sure covid doesn't make your sinuses feel like you snorted acid, but whatever). So starting Thursday I got put in quarantine pending test results, and lo! Not fucking covid!

I've continued losing weight, and now I've lost 9lbs! Woo!

I'm slowly catching up on housework and homework. I've caught up with the urgent chores (dishes and laundry), now I just need to do the routine cleaning things like sweeping, mopping, and decluttering. Alex does help with housework, we just have it split where we each have our own things we're in charge of (he's in charge of trash, yard work, vacuuming, and decluttering heavy things).

I'm also slowly catching up on schoolwork. In the past 2 weeks I've completed an assignment I was having a lot of trouble with, taken an exam, and caught up on 7 missed lectures. I still have to catch up on 2 assignments, 1 exam, and 4 lectures. Since I've been stuck at home in quarantine, and not allowed to go to work, it's helped me have extra time to catch up on things.
After that, there's only 1 more exam, 1 more assignment, and 5 more lectures. I have until April 5th to get it all taken care of, which is very doable. Since my college is online they give you an extra month after classes are complete to get everything turned in. Realistically I'll be done and caught up a week or two after the class ends. 

I think I'm doing a pretty good job of finding the balance between what I think I should be able to do, and what I actually can do. It's still really hard to adjust to just not having my body do the things I want. I can't just power through things, or I'll spend the next few days (or week) completely out of commission. It's a work in progress, but I'm still proud of how far I've come.

Oof, I had one hell of a spondylitis flare. It lasted about a week, and I was basically out of commission the entire time. Constant fever, extreme pain, visible swelling, couldn't walk or type, all I could really do was read, watch tv, and sleep.  0/10, don't recommend. 

I am feeling better now, though! The doctor raised my medication and gave me something to take if I have a flare again. Now I just need to catch up on all the housework/homework/workwork that I fell behind on. I'm still planning to take it somewhat easy, I'm not at 100% and don't want to send myself into another flare. But I should be able to slowly catch up. 

I have lost 7lbs! Some of it was from being sick AF for a week (maybe because of no appetite? Or maybe my body was just using a lot of energy? IDK). However, most of the weight loss is from my improved diet, stretching, and exercise that I do when I'm feeling well enough to do it. 

Victory!

Good news! My parents don't have COVID!
My Aunt, Uncle, Cousins, Sister, Niece, Niece's husband & children do have it, though. They are all showing mild symptoms, and are expected to make a full recovery. 

I've been having an arthritis flare since Friday (1/15), and feel pretty shitty still. I've had a constant fever bouncing between 99-100 since this started, I ache all over (probably from the fever), have tremors, and just a metric fuckton of pain. Sitting is painful. Laying down is painful. Standing is painful. Walking is painful. Typing is painful. Holding objects is both difficult and painful. I'm in slightly less pain immediately after waking, but it's so hard to fall asleep because the pain keeps me awake. I am a constant orb of pain. 

And it's not just the pain. It's the fatigue. It took me an hour to sort 1 small box of papers that I had put off sorting, and all it involved was me sitting in my comfy chair, reading papers, and putting them in the appropriate stack. That's it. I'm absolutely exhausted now, and even had to just sit still and recover for several minutes (maybe 10?) before dredging up enough energy to type this. 

I've been trying to not complain to people about it too much. This is going to go on for the rest of my life, so I want to save up the complaints for when I really need them. Instead, I'll just vent it on here, since this is what this place is for, right? I know there aren't that many people on here... but I'm really glad this reincarnation of Mindsay was created right when I needed it the most.

I just got off the most surreal phone call with my mother. She went from "yesterday we had a zoom funeral with my coworker that died of covid" to "I don't see why we can't have in-person school, even though one coworker literally just died of covid and roughly half the teachers/staff are in quarantine with covid" (she's a teacher).
I also asked her how the relatives that have covid are feeling, and she (while coughing) insisted that they are fine and that she also feels just fine. And that she's sure she doesn't have covid (WHILE COUGHING) but her allergies are killing her (DRY HACKING COUGH).

I really just wish grandma was still alive so she could beat my mother for being so goddamn stupid.

Against my advice, my family gathered for Christmas. I didn't join them, because I wanted no part in getting them sick. 

• My mom's side of the family had 17 people in their Christmas day gathering (including my parents). So far, 6 have tested positive for covid, and the other 11 either haven't been tested or are waiting for results. 
• My dad's side had 2 gatherings, and my parents went to both. The first one on Christmas Eve was only 6 people, and the second one on New Years' was 11-15 people. No one has gotten tested yet from that group. If my parents are positive, they may have spread it from one side of the family to the other. 
• My oldest sister and her children didn't join, because she and at least one of the children have tested positive (I say children, but they range from 14-32 years old and have their own children)

Today is also the anniversary of my brother's death. 

Yesterday my mom found out that two of her friends died from covid this week. Her best friend is also very ill from it. She's doing well enough that she's not in the hospital, but poorly enough that she is bedridden.

I'm having a horrible day, so my hubby took me to get comfort food. I plan to also give myself an at-home spa evening, because I need some god damn comfort.

I would like to stop living through historic moments. 

I was alive on 9/11 when the planes hit the world trade center. I remember how confused and horrified the newscaster was when she realized a second plane hit. 
I was alive when my friends went to serve in Afganistan, and when they came back broken because they were forced to either die or shoot an armed child. 
I was alive when the first African American president was elected - a great step for humanity. An eye-opening step, showing how far we still needed to go.
I was alive when gay marriage was legalized in the united states - another huge step in the right direction. 
I was alive during the 2020 pandemic, when we all realized that some people would rather you die than they be mildly inconvenienced. 
I was alive during the 2020 race riots, where people joined together to try to create a world where someone won't get shot just for existing while black. 

And now, I'm alive in 2021. When Pro-Trump terrorists stormed the capitol because a former president lied to them, and tricked them into thinking they had been cheated of their right to vote. 

I hadn't realized until today that we passed the 300,000 mark in covid-19 deaths, way back on December 11th or 12th. It's looking like we should pass the 400,000 mark in mid-to-late January (or even earlier, depending on how bad the Holiday surge is). 

Apparently, 1 in every 1,000 Americans has died from Covid-19. 

My family was upset that I refused to travel down there for Christmas this year. They had large gatherings of 15-20 people on both Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, and no one wore masks. I want no part in this. I'm neither willing to run the risk of getting others sick, OR run the risk of getting myself sick. I was even exposed to someone who tested positive for Covid last Thursday (a customer at work), but the family doesn't care. 

My family is stressing me the fuck out. I'm glad I didn't go.